Recently I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I always knew I was high strung, I constantly struggle with keeping my brain still and quiet. To see it on a page in black and white made it somehow, more real. It was an odd validation, like when I use my divination tools only to be told something I had suspected all along.
Before my doctor prescribed medications (which I take because I needed more help), we worked through holistic approaches to my anxiety. I reduced screen time, adjusted my diet, committed to more exercise (before the pandemic foiled those plans) and tried meditation. Which I considered some bullshit before I started.
My first client, as a healer and a spiritual medium has always been me. I make a great guinea pig. Everyone, who trusts me with their spiritual care, knows if I'm recommending a course of action it is most likely because I've taken it myself to great success.
I am no expert. There are absolute experts at meditation. I've read stories about folks having out of body experiences while in deep meditation. At first, honestly I just couldn't see it for myself. I didn't believe I could actually quiet the relentless barrage of thoughts that infiltrated my mind.
Still, I wouldn't decide to dismiss or embrace it if I didn't give it an honest try.
At first I practiced guided meditations - using an app called liberate - recommended by a friend, the app is geared towards a Black and Brown, Marginalized Gender and indigenous audience.
I was able to pick specific meditations from between 3minutes to an hour in length. By focusing on a voice, chime, or chant, I was able to push my own thoughts aside long enough to catch my breath.
I realized it was possible. I kept going. I began to set intentions...connecting the dots between my focused spiritual works and the power of my quiet meditations,
"This session is to release all the things not under my control..."
I realized quickly how much my body and brain appreciated these moments. They became a way to control and reclaim my time and alter the space inside me.
I found these moments refreshed and recharged me. I was still anxious, still holding all the same concerns and issues as I did prior to meditation, only after, I felt more capable of managing, balancing, juggling.
I still need medication, on particularly stressful days. A pandemic and this high stakes political climate ensures that no amount of deep cleansing breaths, herbal teas, and chants about being in control can convince my brain to chill. My brain just refuses to make the chill out juice and this is where medications come in for the assist.
However, most times, a deep cleansing breath is enough to trigger my brain to relax, unclench my jaw, stop my shoulders from climbing into my ears, and allows me to feel my body.
I never cared about my needs outside of hunger, thirst, and rest, which I mostly ignored. Now, I move at a more mindful pace. Meditation helped me care about my needs in the immediate and long term. Breathing, assessing, addressing, and fulfilling my needs as best as I can. Then, sometimes, I even hug myself with pride!
Meditation is good! I give it all the stars, both thumbs up and highly recommend.
If you're worried about finding space to meditate, don't worry; A small corner in your bedroom or family room will do. Set it up with cushions, blankets, and other cozy items, use a cute basket to tuck it all away when not in use, this is your meditation corner now.
You can trick it out how you like, place a foot stool for candles, crystals, essential oil diffuser, or incense. Hang photos or motivational quotes or even paint it your favorite color, the more you like the space the more inclined you'll be to use it.
Commit to sitting in your corner of the world for 3-5 minutes at least twice a day.
Make it ritualized, pour yourself a cup of tea, get into comfortable clothing, light your candle, pump your favorite scent into the air and put on a guided meditation or relaxing music and allow yourself a few moments of release.
You are worthy and deserving of peace.
You are entitled to comfort and safety.
You are a vessel that requires filling.
Taking care of ourselves is our number one priority, do it well and with pride.
Our brains and spirit are intimately connected, reconcile them both to healing and wellness. At first this feels very extra and high maintenance. Caring for ourselves often feels like "too much" but, this is a lie our anxiety and depression tell us to keep us from living our best lives!
Do not listen to that nagging, hurtful, hateful voice...instead find the voice you use to comfort those you love the most. That kind, gentle being can be turned inward.
Meditation can be many things for many people. For me it is a pathway toward self care and love.
I am always curious how others use it to empower themselves. If you use meditation, please share your experiences with me in the comments. If you haven't tried it yet, I hope the universe brings you here and it moves you to give it a chance!
Be well, take care of you, you are worth it.